sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
