He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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