where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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