You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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