the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
