I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
