Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
