I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
