Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize