She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
