ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
