I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
