Screwed.edu
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize