: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
