i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
No subtext here. People are naked.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
