this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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