Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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