everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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