SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
