Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
its liver damage thursday
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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