It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
