he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
