Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
