I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
