he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
