Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
