i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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