i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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