I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
