Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
