Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
