Sacagawea was the original milf.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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