Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
