Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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