I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
