Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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