But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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