...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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