No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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