You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
