I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize