I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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