I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize