i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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