i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
