Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize