You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
