just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
