I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
