just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
