Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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