im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize