Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
