Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
