Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
