I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
