The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
