there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I currently don't understand fingers.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
