i'm signing you up for texting rehab
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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