so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
