the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
