You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
