the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
