u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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