So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My hand turned me down
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
