Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize