Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
