True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
