East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
