WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Farmville is her only friend.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
