dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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